My First Time...

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by Christian Ramos

I’ve never been in love.

I’ve been engaged twice. And been stranded at the altar both times. But it wasn’t until after I’d tucked my tail between my legs, drank an assload of Jack, and sorted through the BS once my binge-soaked brain functioned normally again that I admitted both women had done me a favor. Who thought getting married ‘til death do you part was a good idea anyway?

My big, fat, Latin family did. My father wanted grandsons to carry on the Ramos family name. My mother wanted grandchildren to spoil rotten. And hell, I'd tried my best. But after two humiliating trips up the church aisle and right back down it again, marriage, kids and love weren’t on my radar anymore.

Not until I was staring 40 in the face. Then those things were back on my radar.  Big time. Suddenly, having kids and a woman to share my life (and bed) with had moved from dead last on the Chris Ramos bucket list, to the top. But holy hell, the thought of trying to find the future Mrs. Christian Ramos made me break out in a cold sweat and shrivel my balls.

When my college roommate, Jackson Castillo, asked me to be his best man at his wedding, I rented the tux and flew out to Vegas, although I had every intention…no, I had an obligation, to talk him out of the marriage. He’d met his bride through some online dating service, 1Night Stand. The whack job owner, Madame Evangeline, had coerced him into going on a date with a woman who wanted someone who looked like her dead boyfriend. Or something. Who cares, it was crazy and I had zero intention of letting Jackson ruin his life. Friends don’t let friends marry crazy bitches.

Leah was anything but crazy and Jackson, the stoic, uptight, career-driven bastard that he is, had fallen for her in a big, hard way. It was painful and more than a little nauseating to watch them together. 

So, naturally I contacted the whack job owner, Madame Eve. What the hell, I had no real hope to have what Jackson and Leah do, but if all I got out of it was a one-night stand, I didn’t care.

A few weeks later, I got the email I’d been waiting for from Madame Eve. But she hadn’t found me a date. She’d found me a wife. Queue my best WTF expression as I stared at the screen. I groped for my cell phone in an incredulous panic (if there is such a thing).

Me: “Dude, I got a response from your whack job friend, Eve.”

Jackson: “Oh yeah? Who’s the lucky date?”

Me: “You mean, who’s the lucky wife?”

Long Pause from Jackson, then: “Bwahahaha!”

I thought I was going to have to send the asshole a case of Depends because I’m pretty sure he pissed himself laughing so hard.

Long story short. I agreed to marriage. I don’t know why. It seemed like a good idea? I wanted to have children before I was old enough to be their grandfather? I was tired of my parents pushing me to settle down? I was tired of being alone? All of the above….

I flew out to Las Vegas with the asinine hope that my future wife, Beth, and I would be, if nothing else, compatible. But when we met, I didn’t like her….

I fell in love.

**Tell me about your first love, or your second-and-even-better love, or something you love, even if it's not human. I love to hear a good how-we-met story, so please share yours. One lucky commenter will win a $10 Amazon gift card from me and a copy of Jackson and Leah Castillo's story, To Feel Again**

Valerie Mann is the superwoman every woman tries to be…mother of five attractive, successful children, vixen in and out of the bedroom, runway model fashionista, extreme gardener, and just recently crashed on bestseller lists as a romance author.

In real life, Valerie is the mother of five lovely, but ordinary children. Sure, she’s a vixen in and out of the bedroom, which explains the herd of kids. The closest she gets to a runway is an airport, and while she thinks gardens of all sorts are wonderful, she figures that hobby can wait until retirement, if her knees last that long. And that crashing you heard was Valerie collapsing on the couch at the end of a very long day. As for romance, she writes and likes to think she can tell an amazing tale of love or two. Her husband of nearly thirty years won’t read her stories because they make him blush but is content in the knowledge he’s the inspiration for every one of them.

Valerie currently works as a managing editor for an electronic publisher and is the co-owner of a company that provides editing services for writers.

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